Laundry Day
by Croup
Summary: Kiba is out of clean undies and needs to think fast. Naruto, meanwhile, is on a personal mission to find out what the rest of the genin use for underwear. Shikamaru and Chouji get caught in the middle, and there is mental scarring for all concerned.


"Hey ma, I'm outta clean underwear!"

Inuzuka Tsume rubbed her temples and counted to ten. "So do some laundry. Don't expect me to do it all the time."

Kiba's head popped over the stair banister, his eyes pleading with her. "But ma, I don't have time to wash anything! I've got a mission in five minutes!"

"So figure it out!" she roared back. "You're a genin now for shit's sake!"

When no answer drifted down from her son, she smirked and began pawing around for that bottle of whiskey she'd left out last night. To drink all day you needed to start in the morning, right?

Meanwhile, upstairs in his room, Kiba looked frantically from pile to pile of dirty clothes. He clawed and tore his way through them, his Inuzuka nose seeking out anything half-way decent.

"Aw, man, Akamaru!" he said. "There's nothing here, and Kurenai-sensei _warned_ me about the body-odor thing last time . . . what am I gonna do?"

-----

"Hey, Shikamaru! Chouji!" a rambunctious voice shouted. One guess who _that_ was.

Shikamaru's shoulders sank as he lazily turned around. "Ah," he said. "Hey, Naruto."

Naruto ran up to them across the busy town square before he bent down to take a breather, panting with his hands on his knees. "H-hey guys . . . Phew . . . Been looking all over the village for you two . . . I've got a question for ya."

Shikamaru blanched.

A question from Naruto was almost never a good thing. At best, it would merely be dumb, annoying, and a waste of time. At worst, it would be--well, Shikamaru tried not to think about such things. Probably best to get it over with as soon as possible.

He folded his arms, lips pinched together. "Yeah, what is it?"

Naruto let out one last blast of breath, then stood up. He glanced from side to side as he leaned in close, eyes narrowing.

Then his mouth twisted into a sly grin. "Boxers or briefs?"

". . . Say what?" Shikamaru asked.

Even Chouji stopped his endless crunching for a second to look flabbergasted. "You want to know what kind of underwear we wear?"

Naruto rubbed the back of his head and laughed a little. "Yeah. Yeah!"

Shikamaru and Chouji exchanged a glance.

"Why?" Shikamaru asked.

"Well . . . that bastard Sasuke, I was telling him about these super-cool boxers I bought before--they're cool because they've got orange spiraly swirls on 'em--and then he started telling me that boxers aren't good underwear for ninjas! He said they don't have good . . . support or something. I dunno. But it pissed me off! So now I'm going all over the place and finding out what kind of underwear everybody uses! That way I can shove it all in that bastard Sasuke's face!"

"You wanna shove people's underwear in Sasuke's face?" Chouji asked.

Naruto's mouth opened, followed by a big breath, then he simply froze. "Wait . . . what?"

Shikamaru exhaled miserably. "Ugh . . . bothersome fellow."

"Aw, c'mon, Shikamaru!" Naruto said, snapping out of it in no-time. "Help me out, huh? I already found out what Konohamaru wears! Heh, I pantsed him in the middle of his academy class. That guy!" Naruto had to snicker a little here. "He still wears kid's tighty-whities!"

"Well, he _is_ still a kid," Shikamaru said, looking for an escape route.

"Well, yeah. I guess so. But still!"

Chouji coughed. ". . . I wear briefs, too," he confessed.

Naruto gaped. "_You_, Chouji?"

The big guy nodded and flushed slightly. "They've got an elastic waistband, so when I use Baika no Jutsu it helps keep my underwear from, uh, snapping off."

"Hmmm, I guess that makes sense," Naruto said speculatively. "But--hey, hey, what about you, Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru grimaced. "I just wear whatever my mother buys for me. It'd be too troublesome not to."

"Well, yeah, okay, but what are they?"

"Boxers," Shikamaru said flatly.

"Ahh, okay. So that's one briefs and one boxers so far for y--HEYYY, KIBA!"

On the far side of the square they could see Kiba, Akamaru nestled in his jacket, on his way towards his mission. He turned around once he heard his name called.

"WHAAAT?!" he shouted back.

Naruto waved his arms. "C'MEEERE!"

Kiba headed over, taking oddly wide steps. "What is it, guys?" he said, wincing. "I'm kinda late for a mission, so--"

"It'll be quick," Naruto said. "Really! We just wanted to know something . . ."

"Uh . . . okay. What did you wanna know?"

"Boxers or briefs?"

"Uhh . . . what?"

"What kinda underpants ya got on?"

Kiba picked at his jacket collar. "Er, you mean right now?"

"Yeah sure, whatever. What've you got?" Naruto made a move to tug at Kiba's pants for a flash of waistband. Akamaru whined.

"Errrh--Gah!" Kiba swatted Naruto away. "Uhh, I really _am_ late guys. I'll, uh, I'll catch you later."

"Oh no you don't," Naruto said, grinning. "You're not getting off that easy!" He crouched behind Kiba and grabbed hold of his pants.

"Er, Naruto, maybe you--" Shikamaru started to say--but he was too late.

Because Kiba's pants were already down to his ankles.

Still grinning, Naruto had his eyes locked on Kiba's rump, only to do a double-take once he got a good look. From where he was crouching, it looked like Kiba was wearing . . . butt-floss! Only the very crack of Kiba's ass was covered by his underwear; the vast majority of his bared buttocks spilled out into the open air.

"E-Eh?" Naruto stuttered.Shikamaru and Chouji, meanwhile, got an unwelcome eyeful of Kiba's frontal areas. They were greeted by the sight of Kiba's package, stuffed into a scant, tiny undergarment never meant to hold such things, a couple of coarse pubes sprouting out the sides.

Kiba was wearing a pair of very small, very frilly, very _girl's _panties.

Akamaru whined again, louder this time.

"Well, uh, y'see, I was out of clean underwear this morning, so--uh--I thought I could borrow one of my sis's, and--" Kiba tried to explain.

Naruto screamed.


End file.
